my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Damn victory sex feels great
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