he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
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Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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