Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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