chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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