Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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