God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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