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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me

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• (619): View more from California

  surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles

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  Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.

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• (650): View more from California

  Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.

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  Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm sobbing to NWA

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?

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