I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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