I accidentally had phone sex last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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