6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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