I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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