If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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