Dude my mom stole all your condoms
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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