I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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