just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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