Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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