babies were throwing up all over the place
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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