would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The air taste purple.
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