I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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