The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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