CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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