I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
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Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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