Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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