I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize