Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize