before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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