Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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