I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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