Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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