Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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