Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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