the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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