i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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