you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize