I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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