if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize