how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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