I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize