she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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