i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When are your genitals available?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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