then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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