Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize