You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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