She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Shame - the story of my life.
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