but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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