well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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