I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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