Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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