i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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