Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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